ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize