I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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