Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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