mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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