have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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