Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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