Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
