Christians are straight up FREAKS
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
