Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Randomize
