dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
