We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
