Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
