I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
