dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
