just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
