My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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