Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
