I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
This is the high leading the old right now
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
