also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
