U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
it's not cheating when I paid for it
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize