you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
