If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
