dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
