I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
