I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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