How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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