if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
