Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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