Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
