Duck Duck Cougar?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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