you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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