I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
