turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
