you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
