Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
