If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
