yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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