let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
