so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
