I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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