Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
