dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
