So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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