I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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