Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
