isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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