I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
