no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
