DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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