The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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