yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
