Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
