My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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