dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
