Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
