I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
