UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
