Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
