I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
