You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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