Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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