I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
