Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
