You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Randomize
