I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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