Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
