My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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