matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize