Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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