At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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